Money can't buy you class

I'm just back from a 12 day jaunt through Missouri for work (with a little fun tossed in), and am still going through reams of emails.  However, let this entertain you in the meantime. 

Sunday news: useless NYT edition

Nothing really jumped out at me today in the NYT, except for one magazine piece.  Somehow I'm just disinterested in the Iraqi election or the latest gossip on healthcare reform.  Anyway, here goes.

• In said magazine piece, a discussion on the importance of teachers in educating students, and how to make those teachers teach better, as apparently it's teaching is the most essential ingredient in education, and not necessarily funding or testing.  Who'da thunk?
• DC mayor Adrian Fenty is a corrupt little whiny-pants who funnels huge sums of government money to his friends.  At least Marion Barry was corrupt but personable.  This is why you should vote for Buster, who is currently preparing his mayoral campaign. 
• It amuses me to no end that an article on political buffoonery features a photo of Michael Steele.
• A piece on how Toyotas aren't inherently death traps, which is why I still hope to buy another one in the next year or so, if I can raise ye olde cash.   

See, the news is much more fun when you ignore the things that people are panicking over. 

Sunday news: we're all gonna die edition

It's Sunday! That means there's a decent chance I've read the morning papers (as emailed to me). What do I find today? Death, mayhem, poverty, destruction, and no hope of anything ever getting better, ever. And these newspapers wonder why they're losing business.

Here's a recap:

• The economy = teh suckage.
• Texas will probably continue to be run by a crackpot, who was just endorsed by Sarah Palin. If my left arm was endorsed by Sarah Palin, I'd cut it off.
• The U.S. Senate is a shit show, but maybe Evan Bayh will run for president and save us all.
• If you're in DC and get on the Metro, it could kill you, and won't have any money to send your mother a decent house plant.
• People are stealing from non-profit bookstores that ostensibly raise money to promote literacy programs for poor urban youth.
• The U.S. Senate is still a shit show, but Rahm Emmanuel is keeping Barry O from becoming the next Jimmy Carter, so it's all good.
• The president orders up his robust policy offerings at some bland hoity toity DC restaurant, which explains a lot.

Well now, this was kinda fun. Maybe I'll do it again sometime. ;)

Julia Child created life on earth

And she filmed it and put it in the Smithsonian. It included use of a Scientific Pinch Machine. Watch and learn.

Explaining evangelical higher ed

A friend submitted a query to me just now, and my response was so brilliant, I decided to repost the conversation.

A: ignorance is bliss
A: I just learned there is more than one christian law school
J: yes, there is more than one
A: whyyyyy
A: I thought the jerry falwell one was the only one
J: well, on the 8th day, god said "let's kill all the faggots and beat the womenfolk into submission"
A: hahaha
J: and then the mormons said "we've got just the thing"
J: and then the evangelicals said "we'll see your BYU and raise you a whole system of wackjob 'educational' institutions, and jesus shall be pleased once karl rove gives us the new promised land to run, and we fill israel with red cows"
A: lol....
J: and the lord said, "it is good. a little short on logic, but good"
A: ok that's fun to learn
J: and then the hebrews ran around egypt and there were some wars and some dude was nailed to a tree and then at the end a greek dude in a cave had a wicked acid trip

So there, now you know. Avoid them scary schools of evangelical indoctrination, and stick to the good old fashioned loony left variety. :)

For those wondering why I refuse to work in government

Stephen Walt today points out The Ten Commandments for Ambitious Policy Wonks, which basically sum up why I have no interest in working in the U.S. foreign policy community. Of the 10, I can only safely obey number 2 and 8. Thus, I'll stick to liberal hippie peacenik stuff, thank you very much. Sure, I may never make much money, but at least I'll have values.

Inauguration questions: A little help, please?

So I've been reading up on security stuff (here, here, here and here) for ObamaCon 2K9, and, because this stuff was written by security types, and not actual people, I'm now more confused that I was before.

The boy and I are planning to walk to the Mall and plant ourselves before a jumbotron. We don't have tickets, and have no interest in the parade. We just want to be among the throng for a bit. I've even plotted out a path that goes completely around the security perimeter. Yet, as far as I can gather, the uber-long list of prohibited items found in all those places above seems to only apply to the Sunday concert, the seating area for the ceremony and the parade route. Is this correct? Cuz I'd really like to take more snacks than can be fit into a shaving kit sized bag.

So, my questions:

• Will there be security screening along the part of the Mall opened to the general public?
• Can I bring a bag slightly larger than my shaving kit? Nothing huge, mind you, just something with room for some sandwiches and extra water, and maybe my little fleece blanket (airplane sized).
  
• It would appear that there is a preference for clear, plastic bottles, since glass bottles and thermoses are banned. Does this also preclude the boy from bringing his non-thermal yet metal water bottle?

If anybody, anybody, has a clue about what's going on with this mess, I'd appreciate it. God save the Queen, and all that.

Wait, wrong country. Uh... Hail to the Chief?

EDIT: As someone commented on the WaPo page linked to above, the NYT does in fact have better information, including in today's edition. Link is here.

A word on Gaza

I make no pretenses about knowing anything at all about the Middle East. I find that the conflicts there are both ridiculously intractable and feel that they probably get more than their fair share of airtime vis-a-vis other nasty, brutal conflicts going on in the world at any given time. This infuriates me. While I believe that Israel has a right to exist and defend itself, I often believe that particular tactics employed by the IDF are simply indefensible, and sometimes constitute breaches of international humanitarian law. Fighting rocks with helicopter gunships or rockets with infantry invasions blows any concept of proportionality to pieces. That said, certain Palestinian actors also need to learn/realize that violence clearly gets them nowhere except bombed back into the stone age. Should either side ever demonstrate the possession of a lick of common sense, I'll pay closer attention. This concludes my oversimplification.

Over the past day or so, I've read a few items that have put the conflict in perspective.

• This post argues that this particular conflict has greater geopolitical implications for the region that will most likely require some sort of new dialogue between the United States and Iran. Worth reading.
• Here we see the idea advanced that Israel's political leaders may lack the brainpower necessary to execute an effective strategy, and may not even have a strategy. They continue to count tactical advances as victories, when is a pretty low threshold of success.
• Then, the IDF's narrative about how/why the UN school in Gaza was bombed earlier this week continues to shift, and in highly dubious ways.
• And finally, let's bear in mind that Gaza has a higher population density than Los Angeles. We need to recognize that an all-out ground and air war is taking place is what is effectively one big city where the inhabitants are forbidden from leaving.

I'm now going to return to things I know a bit more about.

Is that a voting guide in your pants?

Because I'm a dork, I several hours this weekend doing my usual pre-election candidate research. If you haven't done that yourself yet, I recommend you get started.

Looking at the presidential race, my mind was basically made up there, and the wealth of information available through all types of media, as well as questionnaires the candidates have answered and items on their websites reaffirmed my choice. There being no ballot issues in my jurisdiction, and since I live in a colonized city-state, I didn't have that much to do.

I'm not going to tell you every single person I intend to vote for, though I will mention a few. Especially useful resources were the Washington Post (the voter guide moreso than their endorsements), the DC chapter of the League of Women Voters (find your local chapter -- they do great stuff!), and the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance, which is a local, not national, organization.

After reading that stuff, plus candidate websites (where I could find them), I found myself having to seriously think about two races: the At-Large DC Council race (two seats), and the Ward 1 State Board of Education race (1 seat). Ward 1, where I reside, is not voting for a ward rep to the DC Council this year (stay tuned for 2010). Other local races for shadow senator and shadow representative don't excite me because none of the candidates excite me, the at-large seat on the Board of Education is a one person race, so you either like him or not, and the delegate to the U.S. House is a pretty easy choice when you compare the candidates.

So that at-large race: there are 2 open seats, one of which needs to go to a non-Democrat (under the law that states that 2 of the 4 total at-large seats need to be held by someone of the non-majority party). The Democratic incumbent is Kwame Brown. The official Republican candidate is Patrick Mara. The Republican incumbent, Carol Schwartz, is running a write-in campaign. There are also three independents (Michael Brown, Mark Long, and Dee Hunter), and Statehood Green Party candidate David Schwartzman. Personally, I really like Carol Schwartz, especially after the way she's acted on the issues I raised in my last post (writing the mayor in opposition to proposed changes, grilling Peter Nickles at his confirmation hearing). She's also a fiscal conservative in a city that frankly needs more of that. We certainly don't agree on everything, but she believes in holding government accountable, so she gets my vote (write in her name, and connect the arrow).

That leaves me one other choice. My research leads me to support David Schwartzman, but since he's also a non-Democrat, that vote would basically cancel out my vote for Schwartz. Thus I'll also vote for Kwame Brown, the incumbent Democrat, since a vote for him won't count as a vote against Carol since he's already in the majority party. The other so-called independents are basically job-seeking Democrats, and Micheal Brown seems hell-bent on running for every office open until he gets on. And Patrick Mara just seems shady, especially after having met him. As an aside, why oh why can't we vote for these two seats entirely separately, instead of all lumped together?

The other race then is the State Board of Education seat. This reconstituted Board advises the State Superintendent of Education (not the DC Public Schools Chancellor) on issues related to academic standards and compliance with federal law. The Board and State Superintendent oversee all public education institutions in DC, including DCPS and all charter schools. Here in Ward 1 we have one of the few contested races for a seat on this new Board. Two of the four choices, Pamela M. Johnson and Dotti Love Wade, get incredible props for being concerned parents/community activists, however their grasp of the issues they'll face seems a little weak. That leaves Lillian Perdomo and Shelore Williams, both with long records on education issues and a firm grasp of what they'll be doing and where they want to go. Yet it's Perdomo's record of engaging parents through her grassroots multicultural outreach work and her committment to social justice issues that put her on top for me. Read her bio and see for yourself.

Now, your homework is to Google all of the above, as I'm too tired to look up all those links to individual candidate sites again. I'm happy to help if you get stuck.

Happy voting! Polls in DC are open from 7am to 8pm Tuesday, and you can still vote early tomorrow.

P.S. This week I'm leading the election coverage over on Practical Peaceniks. Be sure to check out my introductory post, and check back there throughout the week. And don't worry, I'll always save my most irreverent bile for this space. :)

My hat goes off to these guys

I just stumbled upon Rednecks for Obama, a group founded by a couple of older gentlemen down in Missouri. All I can say is, good work.

Sometimes we (self included) kid ourselves by thinking of the predominantly white inhabitants of the rural South as being backward, gun-toting, God-fearing, died in the blood Republicans. Here is excellent evidence that they're neither backward nor Republicans (though certainly the middle two probably still apply). So for those of you who have a picture of some Southern monolithic populus in your head, think again.

Check out their guestbook to see the thoughts of folks from around the country. It's inspiring, really.

And gentlemen, should you feel the need to pass through Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee, I'm sure I can dig up some relatives to fix you somethin' good to eat.

With that, I think I'll order a t-shirt. After all, I've gotta head to TN myself soon.

Hat tip: Princess Sparkle Pony

Start a war and watch the rest of the world disappear

I realize I've probably lodged this before, but have you ever noticed how one little war starts off somewhere, and the rest of the planet basically falls off the international news radar screen. This is especially true if the war in question involves white people.

Now I certainly don't mean to downplay the events unfolding in Georgia right now. They're tragic, and after spending the afternoon reading about all I can get my hands on about the subject (it's not my area, thus I have a steep learning curve), it seems to me that the whole thing is pretty damn senseless. My general impression is that the Georgians tried something they thought they could get away with, in the interest of pleasing the West, and now it's bitten them in the ass royally. Prospects for any sort of decent peace seem a little slim.

But back to the rest of the planet, as that's my beef, right? Let's see, some iffy stuff in Kashmir, a coup in Mauritania, alleged progress in Zimbabwe negotiations, and a seemingly destabilizing Bolivia.

Electoral problems you don't hear about every day

We typically hear lots of stories about problems with running elections in developing countries: lack of technical expertise, lack of transparency mechanisms, lack of cash, erroneous voter rosters, etc. Of course, these problems lead to voter intimidation, ballot stuffing and the like. But sometimes things are worse than that.

First, in Zimbabwe, this story of how opposition supporters are concocting elaborate ruses as pro-Mugabe citizens in order to maintain their own security.

More disturbing is this piece from Cote d'Ivoire, about the increase in child abductions in the run-up to elections there, as candidates seek to perform human sacrifices to enhance their chances of winning.

Just goes to show that sometimes the basic problems just barely scratch the surface.

A discussion you should follow

FP's Passport and UN Dispatch (see sidebar) have teamed up to run a special blogging series, aka Peacekeeping Salon, featuring thoughts on the state of United Nations peacekeeping operations and imperatives for the next U.S. administration. The conversation is just starting, but it's worth a read. Click here to visit, and be sure to glance at the background paper here (pdf).

EDIT: If you need some convincing as to why the U.S. should be fully engaged in and supportive of UN peace operations, read this.

A completely speculative list of global things that may or may not occur in 2008

Method? Who needs it! In spite of my absurdly sporadic posting of late, I'm still alive and even still reading the news. And since it's now a new year, I've decided to motivate myself by making off the wall predictions about what I think will or will not happen in 2008. Bear with me, especially since these are in no particular order.

• The topsy-turvy politico-military balance in Pakistan will likely get topsy-turvier before it gets better. Some people, however, have at least agreed that Benazir Bhutto's son is "cute."
  
• In spite of the establishment of UNAMID today, nothing much will change in Darfur, because the P5 are hypocrites.
• Olympics in Beijing! How many aspiring athletes will choke on smog? My guess is at least 10. Nonetheless, you will see a gold medal worthy PR operation all damn year.
  
• The United States may or may not recognize Somaliland. I hope they do. No point in continuing to punish those that can actually govern a piece of land because those that cannot would be cranky.
• Also in the United States, "U.S. Americans" will make excellent use of our maps and elect one of 16-odd people as president. This person, regardless of party, will most likely be an idiot, but slightly less so than the current incumbent.
  
• Hugo Chavez will engage in dirty tricks to hold onto power. This may or may not backfire.
• Things will get messy in Nigeria should a review panel determine that Yar'Adua's election to the presidency was illegitimate. Then again, the review panel may suddenly end up with fancy cars and houses just before they make their ruling, which might change their minds.
  
• Dirty politics is also likely in South Africa, as Zuma and Mbeki try to sway the ANC.
• Finally, will there ever be durable peace eastern Congo? Probably not this year.

I'm fairly certain I've missed a bunch of things here. Feel free to add to the list in the comments. I'll probably track these events as the year progresses, and if I'm lucky, will actually remember to write about them.

Paix.

Point of clarification on sex and sexuality in Iran

Much hullabaloo has been raised over Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's absurd claim yesterday that there are no homosexuals in Iran (full transcript of the insanity here). Yes, this was one incredibly dumb statement among many that President Ahmadinejad let fly yesterday. I haven't see details of his speech today at the UN to see whether or not he one-upped himself. But that's neither here nor there.

What disturbed me was reading Passport today, where the writers attempted to refute Ahmadinejad's claim by pointing to the number of transsexuals in Iran, following an article published in the Guardian. Yes, it is true that Iran provides health coverage for sexual reassignment surgery (SRS) and other procedures required by transgender persons. And, according to one activist the Guardian spoke to, some gay men go through these procedures in order to avoid persecution for homosexuality. This seemingly contradictory policy exists because Iran sees transsexuality as a treatable health condition (which isn't necessarily far from the mark), whereas homosexual behavior is seen as a violation of Islamic law and (for men anyway), punishable by death for the first offense. The underlying (and incorrect) assumption here is that transsexuals seek heterosexual relationships, and the government helps them facilitate the process necessary for that to transpire.

Yet, the existence of transsexuality itself does nothing to refute Ahmadinejad's claim that there is no homosexuality in Iran. They're two entirely different things. The activist's statement about gay men who seek SRS in order to avoid persecution does act to refute the claim in a way, but that's all in the Guardian story that does.

In short, it's as though Ahmadinejad said there are no apples in his country, and journalists and bloggers have pointed to an Iranian orange tree and said "see, you're totally wrong." This kind of error is yet another reason why I often feel the frustrations mentioned in my previous post. It's also just plain unhelpful reporting. Ahmadinejad said a stupid thing, and most educated people know it's stupid. Why not just leave it at that? Conflating human sexuality and issues of gender identity and presentation in order to make a point (that doesn't need to be made) doesn't really accomplish much. A much more beneficial story would have been to examine Iran's egregious track record of prosecuting people for homosexuality (which the Guardian did to an extent) and bringing these issues into greater public consciousness.

100th post: now home to the "smurfs thesis communist doctrine"

That, friends, is how one lucky googler came across this very blog, and bless their little souls for getting here this way. Now, I'm not sure which post(s) they may have read when they landed here, as I don't recall ever having written each of those four words in any one post. I know I've written about each of those words in separate posts. Anyway, perhaps this blog, when taken as a sum of its parts, reveals the deeper meaning behind the Smurfs Thesis Communist Doctrine. If so, trust me that I didn't intend it that way.

I'm not even sure what the Smurfs Thesis Communist Doctrine is. But that's the kind of quality scholarship you'll find here at Is that a gavel in your pants?

[FYI, I googled that phrase myself, and this blog didn't pop up within the first 8 pages of results, which is my usual stopping place for more obscure things, so I'm now especially intrigued at how hard one must have to work to make the link between this site and that phrase.]

Anyway, on this particularly goofy note, allow me to celebrate my 100th post. Look for more drivel to come.

Back from vacation, ha ha

What's that? Oh, yeah, think back to a week ago and imagine me saying "I'm going on vacation." Then again, only 5 people read this anyway, and at least one of them is in Portugal. Anyway, back, I am.

I spent the last half of my week off camping with the boy in Shenandoah NP. Once again, I'm convinced that the national parks are one of the few things the federal government has done mostly right. Yes, they need more money, but still. Incredible places, they are.

I guess this is talk like Yoda night.

Anyway, the downside of camping is that sometimes other people camp around you, and they're unsavory. Last night we had an outbreak of Kappa Sigma Shenandoah, a cool new frat for you to join. This, of course, prompts a public service announcement from me. It goes as follows:

Testicles are not funny. Yes, some bears have them. Some bobcats have them too. A large percentage of human beings also have testicles. Nonetheless, they remain un-funny. People beyond the age of 12 should not laugh at testicle jokes. They're not funny. Similarly, the word sausage is not amusing. Finally, there is no need to repeat a noun multiple times within a single sentence when a pronoun will suffice. This rule especially applies to foods, like chicken or steak. This PSA is rooted in the following known facts about frat types: they are male, most of them have testicles, and many of them eat dead animals. However, none of that is funny either. /PSA

All that aside, seeing a bear up close and in the wild was great fun, though I didn't get the camera out of the bag as it seemed content so long as we didn't make much noise. Hearing a bobcat go after a deer from my tent was mildly more unsettling. Much hiking has been accomplished, and now my legs ache.

And now, with another work week looming, I leave you with this:

Long lost twins

I was blog reading earlier today, and I saw two things that struck me in whole new ways. The first was a photo of Harriet Miers, and the second was a photo of the late and fabulous Tammy Faye Bakker. I thought to myself, "Hmm... they look strikingly similar." Then I thought, "Yes! Big hair! Fake eyelashes! Eyeliner mishaps!"

That's right kids, Harriet Miers and Tammy Faye Bakker bear a striking resemblance to each other.

Behold the evidence:

Would-be Supreme Court Justice Harriet Miers with her cowboy husband.

Tammy Faye Bakker with her "Jesus saves! (your money for me)" husband.

As an added bonus, not only do they look similarly silly, but they both enjoy the company of slimy bastards that like to fuck people over.

There you have it kids, my revelation of the day.

The Official List of People George Bush Hates

So I was reading this weekend about how our beloved president wants to veto the renewal of the children's insurance program, because it doesn't cut enough taxes or some shit. This made me realize that George W. Bush, President of the United States of Dumb Shits Who Voted For Him Twice and the Victims of those Dumb Shits, hates babies. Especially poor ones.

I thought everybody loved babies. Even people like me who can't stand kids love babies.

With these thoughts in mind, I decided to just tick off in my head who else George Bush hates. I've basically come to the conclusion that his goal is to get approval ratings into the single digits (at least). Anyway, here's my list. Feel free to make additions.

1. Children (see above)
2. People of color (see the results of his appointments to the Supreme Court, among other things)
3. Women (ditto)
4. Old people (turning Social Security into private accounts, adding labyrinthine prescription drug measures to Medicare)
5. Persons who live in low-lying areas susceptible to hurricanes (Katrina; see also #2)
6. Congress (ok, so we all do... still)
7. Poor people (tax cuts for the wealthy! death in a quagmire for your kids!)
8. The middle class (you got $300, while your boss got a yacht)
9. Deer, antelope, and the places where they play (ANWR)
10. The Constitution of the United States (Guantanamo, "domestic surveillance")
11. The Queers (see the entirety of 2004)
12. The uninsured (very similar to #7)
13. Radical, gun-toting border vigilantes that make up his political base (see immigration reform)
14. Baptists (he's a Methodist, kind of a given)
15. College students (see ass raper student loan companies running amok)
16. Americans (see #10)

So there you have it folks. I feel better having gotten that out of my system.

Oh, and PSA for all the manly patriots who will inevitably read this and leave a bitchy, unedited, and largely nonsensical comment: I'm liberal, I'm smug, and I don't like to lose.

Happy Bastille Day!

Are you an unsatisfied peasant in a regime that thinks of you as merely a source of tax revenue? Are you a middle class merchant who finds your upward mobility hampered by an entrenched and corrupt elite? Did some obnoxious wealthy woman tell you to eat cake when she found out your children were without bread? Will you do absolutely anything to preserve your 35 hour work week and five weeks of vacation?

If any or all of these describe you, storm your nearest fortified prison with a few thousand of your closest friends and make your voice heard!

Alternatively, go out, get really drunk, and watch the French Maid Relay.