Julia Child created life on earth

And she filmed it and put it in the Smithsonian. It included use of a Scientific Pinch Machine. Watch and learn.

Hilarity alert: The Real World -- African Autocrats

A curious script for a reality TV show if I've ever seen one.

Hat tip: Scarlett Lion.

Things campaign advisors shouldn't say

It's been a big week in politics, what with the Obama soiree and all (btw, I think he said everything he needed to say, and that the Biden addition makes for a really strong ticket). Then, yesterday, as expected, John McCain announced his running mate, who was not as expected.

This prompted the following quote from a McCain aide, which made it into the NYT article above:

“She’s going to learn national security at the foot of the master for the next four years, and most doctors think that he’ll be around at least that long.”

If that kind of idiocy doesn't get you fired these days, I don't know what will.

Guess who said this

Time for a fun new game! Guess who uttered the following words:

“Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century.”

As well as this gem:

“Only Russia can decide whether it will now put itself back on the path of responsible nations,” he said, “or continue to pursue a policy that promises only confrontation and isolation.”

If you guessed George W. Bush, you win! How he said this stuff with no sense of irony whatsoever is beyond me. Then again, I'm just a guy with a blog, not the leader of the "free" world.

We're all still monkeys

A friend of mine sent me this terribly fascinating piece today. Here's a quote to lure you in:

And although human males might not be inflexibly polygamous or come with bright red butts and six-inch canines designed for tooth-to-tooth combat, it was clear that our species had at least as much in common with the violent primates as with the gentle ones.

Basically, the author, Robert M. Sapolsky, tries to establish a biological history of peace and conflict in primates, including human beings. I'll admit to having been in the "we're the only beasts in the forest that line up and kill each other" camp, but have realized over time that's incorrect. Sapolsky goes on to explore not only instances of violence in different primate species, but also forms of conflict resolution, including this teaser line:

And then there is the sex.

The piece is long, but worth the read. It certainly casts a unique perspective on this whole peace business.

More good economic news...

Tourists no longer want to come to the United States! Yay!

Cuz... uh... we really don't need all those euros (and loonies)???

Seriously, we need to seriously consider our ass backwards immigration policies if an article in a major European newspaper first tells people that the United States isn't worth the effort, and then offers a list of comparable alternative destinations.

I leave you with this lovely sampling from the above, on the lovely welcome foreign visitors get at our borders:

A preflight e-interrogation, epic queues at immigration, thin-lipped questioning from aggressive border guards, and an outside chance of a rubber-gloved rectal rummage are all part of the fun. So, if Chertoff and co want to tighten Fortress America further, it’s time we considered other more welcoming holiday options. Such as Iran or North Korea.

Chertoff and company: you're brilliant, really.

Your strategy quote of the day

From here:

Strategically, this would appear to lie beyond carrots and sticks and somewhat closer to a really big log.

More later.

Fun with quotes: totally out of context edition

Picture this in a remote podunk down somewhere in the back-ass of the U.S.

Bob said of beating the fags ban: "I have a legal team looking into the legalities at the moment but I am confident."

Go ahead, ponder it.

...

Better?

Real article here. Thanks to DCist for the tip.

Fun quotes from foreign policy land

First up to bat, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, talking about why she won't run for president:

I understand American politics very badly. I've always said I'm much better at understanding international politics than American politics. I just know that I've got a job to do for the rest of this president's term. That's what I'm concentrating on. . . . I haven't thought much about it myself. I'm thinking more about these days how to get other people to hold elections that are free and fair around the world.

Well gee golly, Condi. Your stellar grasp on international politics has led to a quagmire, a resurgent Tali-terrorist threat, a nuclear North Korea, and a really really cranky Iran. Top that all off with a completely stalled Israeli-Palestinian peace process and a now four-year old genocide in Darfur. As for getting other people to hold those free and fair elections, I have two questions: 1) Florida and Ohio, much? and 2) the current elections in Nigeria, from whom we buy a lot of oil, are turning out to be a smashing success, aren't they?

If this is what your excellent command of international politics gets us, I'm quite glad you're refraining from giving us your thoughts on Social Security and immigration reform. Lord knows they'd be stunning policy failures that would make your current boss look brilliant.

Now let's move on to round two, with General John J. Sheehan (USMC, Ret.), talking about why he turned down the job of coordinating the Iraq and Afghanistan wars among several government agencies (which, by the way, is the National Security Advisor and President's job):

It would have been a great honor to serve this nation again. But after thoughtful discussions with people both in and outside of this administration, I concluded that the current Washington decision-making process lacks a linkage to a broader view of the region and how the parts fit together strategically. We got it right during the early days of Afghanistan -- and then lost focus. We have never gotten it right in Iraq. For these reasons, I asked not to be considered for this important White House position. These huge shortcomings are not going to be resolved by the assignment of an additional individual to the White House staff. They need to be addressed before an implementation manager is brought on board.

Translation: "Not gonna do it. Wouldn't be prudent." Alternatively, the Administration is clueless and they're not gonna find some savior for their debacles until they figure out just what purpose their debacles serve.

Good choice, General. Besides, you're probably making way more money in the private sector anyway, and probably also have time to see your family. Lack of family time has been a key motivator for those jumping off the H.M.S. WhiteHousePanic.

There you have it folks. We're totally fucked, and nothing will change until we get some personnel changes at the top, and/or an infusion of intellectual capital in the capital.

OMG, diplomats have sex

I know this has already been written about elsewhere.

But...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It was crazy kinky sex too.

They had to take the ball gag from his mouth to get his name!

Now, if only the Googles would give me a photo of this man so my laughter could continue.

WARNING: Resist urge to participate in mass suicide should Democrats lose

Political people are weird. From the Times, discussing how disappointed Dems would be if they don't take the House:

Mr. Cook put it more succinctly. “I think you’d see a Jim Jones situation — it would be a mass suicide,” he said.

Honestly. Is an election worth killing yourself over?

Funny quote from the New York Times

Today's NYT contains a nice little article about the effects of the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) starting to buy its condoms from Asian firms, rather than American companies, especially those in Alabama. Aside from tracking Alabama congressmen's attempt to save the domestic condom industry, which is a funny enough thought in itself, the article quotes a former USAID official defending the need to preserve domestic production thusly:

"The foreign aid program has very few rabbis. Why make enemies when you don't have to?"

I'm fairly certain that's supposed to say "allies." Nonetheless, if you know any rabbis in need of a job, you might call them. :)

Breaking: U.S. suddenly gives a damn about UN Security Council

Following the current scuffle with North Korea (DPRK) has been, for me, an amusing exercise in watching the United States come grovelling to the UN because it now has virtually no leverage to act independently on anything but routine trading of back scratches.

After a week of wrangling, the U.S. yesterday finally pushed through a resolution sanctioning the DPRK. Then, immediately after the vote was cast, China stepped out and said something to the effect of, "by the way, we're not going to participate in the shipment inspections regime mandated in the resolution." Ambassador John Bolton's response was absolutely hilarious:

“I can’t believe that China won’t adhere to obligations that the Security Council has imposed.”

Seriously, reading that almost made me fall out of my chair. To think that any country, let alone one of the permanent five members of the SC, would have the audacity to ignore all or part of a resolution that is technically legally binding. Whatever is the world coming to?

I love a good CRS report

The Congressional Research Service (CRS) has issued an updated copy of its report, Intelligence Issues for Congress.

Let's all pause now to think about the insane humour found in that statement.

Intelligence? Congress? Yes, there are issues in Congress all right. Intelligence is not one of them. My number 1 intelligence issue for Congress is quite simple.

The entire Congress lacks intelligence.

That's all I've got. And no, I'm not bitter.