Happy Monday, office drones!

And, uh, to all the passive aggressive micromanaging manwhores out there.  Enjoy the following.

Don't you feel better now?  I know I do.

The NYT loves assimilationist gay theater

Or, one of the stupidest reviews I've ever read.

Apparently, some of the new gay-themed plays this opening this year in New York are somehow "liberated" (and thus better) because they're not overtly political, and nobody dies of AIDS.

What an effing moron.

First, contrary to what one may believe, gay politics consist of much more than marriage, adoption, and being legally allowed to serve as cannon fodder in imperialist wars. It's called systemic discrimination you idiot, and just because a particular playwright didn't beat you over the head with it, it's still there.

Secondly (et quelle surprise), not all gay people have AIDS. Really! I know lots of them! Also, we are perfectly capable of having conflict in our romantic relationships that doesn't center around one of us dying some unspeakable, dreary, slow, agonizing death, like an opera on steroids.

Apparently, these plays are to be applauded for showing gay couples as "just like everybody else." And, in a sense (though not totally -- myriad issues arise that are a product of said systemic discrimination), gay couples are just that. But don't laud the success of stupid political efforts and ridiculously bigoted assumptions about our health by going out and throwing a big party because somebody wrote a play that didn't involve those things.

I'm not a writer or an artist of any kind, but maybe evaluate these gay-themed plays on their artistic merits, rather than their depictions of "normalcy."

Oh, wait, systemic discrimination...

A completely speculative list of global things that may or may not occur in 2008

Method? Who needs it! In spite of my absurdly sporadic posting of late, I'm still alive and even still reading the news. And since it's now a new year, I've decided to motivate myself by making off the wall predictions about what I think will or will not happen in 2008. Bear with me, especially since these are in no particular order.

• The topsy-turvy politico-military balance in Pakistan will likely get topsy-turvier before it gets better. Some people, however, have at least agreed that Benazir Bhutto's son is "cute."
  
• In spite of the establishment of UNAMID today, nothing much will change in Darfur, because the P5 are hypocrites.
• Olympics in Beijing! How many aspiring athletes will choke on smog? My guess is at least 10. Nonetheless, you will see a gold medal worthy PR operation all damn year.
  
• The United States may or may not recognize Somaliland. I hope they do. No point in continuing to punish those that can actually govern a piece of land because those that cannot would be cranky.
• Also in the United States, "U.S. Americans" will make excellent use of our maps and elect one of 16-odd people as president. This person, regardless of party, will most likely be an idiot, but slightly less so than the current incumbent.
  
• Hugo Chavez will engage in dirty tricks to hold onto power. This may or may not backfire.
• Things will get messy in Nigeria should a review panel determine that Yar'Adua's election to the presidency was illegitimate. Then again, the review panel may suddenly end up with fancy cars and houses just before they make their ruling, which might change their minds.
  
• Dirty politics is also likely in South Africa, as Zuma and Mbeki try to sway the ANC.
• Finally, will there ever be durable peace eastern Congo? Probably not this year.

I'm fairly certain I've missed a bunch of things here. Feel free to add to the list in the comments. I'll probably track these events as the year progresses, and if I'm lucky, will actually remember to write about them.

Paix.

Back from vacation, ha ha

What's that? Oh, yeah, think back to a week ago and imagine me saying "I'm going on vacation." Then again, only 5 people read this anyway, and at least one of them is in Portugal. Anyway, back, I am.

I spent the last half of my week off camping with the boy in Shenandoah NP. Once again, I'm convinced that the national parks are one of the few things the federal government has done mostly right. Yes, they need more money, but still. Incredible places, they are.

I guess this is talk like Yoda night.

Anyway, the downside of camping is that sometimes other people camp around you, and they're unsavory. Last night we had an outbreak of Kappa Sigma Shenandoah, a cool new frat for you to join. This, of course, prompts a public service announcement from me. It goes as follows:

Testicles are not funny. Yes, some bears have them. Some bobcats have them too. A large percentage of human beings also have testicles. Nonetheless, they remain un-funny. People beyond the age of 12 should not laugh at testicle jokes. They're not funny. Similarly, the word sausage is not amusing. Finally, there is no need to repeat a noun multiple times within a single sentence when a pronoun will suffice. This rule especially applies to foods, like chicken or steak. This PSA is rooted in the following known facts about frat types: they are male, most of them have testicles, and many of them eat dead animals. However, none of that is funny either. /PSA

All that aside, seeing a bear up close and in the wild was great fun, though I didn't get the camera out of the bag as it seemed content so long as we didn't make much noise. Hearing a bobcat go after a deer from my tent was mildly more unsettling. Much hiking has been accomplished, and now my legs ache.

And now, with another work week looming, I leave you with this:

Long lost twins

I was blog reading earlier today, and I saw two things that struck me in whole new ways. The first was a photo of Harriet Miers, and the second was a photo of the late and fabulous Tammy Faye Bakker. I thought to myself, "Hmm... they look strikingly similar." Then I thought, "Yes! Big hair! Fake eyelashes! Eyeliner mishaps!"

That's right kids, Harriet Miers and Tammy Faye Bakker bear a striking resemblance to each other.

Behold the evidence:

Would-be Supreme Court Justice Harriet Miers with her cowboy husband.

Tammy Faye Bakker with her "Jesus saves! (your money for me)" husband.

As an added bonus, not only do they look similarly silly, but they both enjoy the company of slimy bastards that like to fuck people over.

There you have it kids, my revelation of the day.

State of the Hangover 2007

Madam Speaker, Members of Congress, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, fellow citizens,

I begin this address they way it should always begin, with these words:

The state of our hangover is strong!

That said, there is a need to offer some critique as to the state of our Union. After watching the president last night, I must say that I remain unconvinced about basically everything he proposed. The health insurance scheme just came across as confusing and even bizarre, with even the vice president looking uncertain. The talk of balancing the budget should not be taken at only face value. The real source of U.S. growing debt is the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, which thus far have been financed in non-budget supplemental bills. Thus while there is a deficit in the regular budget, the far greater problem is these security funds which aren't even included in the budget. Yes, we should control earmarks. But we also need to realize that tax cuts to the wealthy probably wasn't the best idea.

Take a moment to worry over immigration. Them Mexicans are coming over faster than the Minute Men can shoot 'em. That's why we're gonna build a big fence to keep them out. The illegals, obviously. And of course terrorists. Terrorists are everywhere. The other domestic issues mentioned I have largely forgotten, as I was drinking pretty fast.

With regard to national security, I cannot reiterate enough the heart of the president's message: Be afraid, be very afraid. Them terr'ists is comin' to get you, your little cute babies with the plump cheeks, and your puppies. In fact, they're going to destroy all the puppies. Kitties too. Be afraid. They're after us. They'll attack us as we sleep, as we refill our SUVs with the shit-tons of fuel that fund their operations, and as we gorge ourselves on massive volumes of corn-product-based fast food items. Be afraid, dammit. That FDR guy, and his little snippit about "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" was obviously, gravely, tragically mistaken.

As for our current military ventures abroad, the president wants you to trust that by continuing to do the exact same thing we've been doing, we will see success. Someday. Hopefully soon. Those sovereign Iraqis need to do what we tell them to. Also, at least there has been some realization that the country is too stretched to blow up Iran or DPRK right now, but that will certainly not stop us from lobbing a few bombs into Somalia every now and again.

In last bits of substance, lets talk about malaria and saving African babies. Look at that tall dude from the big country of Africa who does something decent back in his village. Remember that of course there are no cities in that big country. Just quaint villages. And mosquitos. Basically I'm saying this to get Bill Gates and those Darfur bitches off my back.

And hey, look at all those other brave people who do good things.

And freedom, liberty, and et cetera.

God bless... _____?

The less than loyal opposition responds

Friends, the president is a shit head. He's done a whole lot of wrong. In fact, Senator Webb's not even gonna bother to rebut him. Just send out a friendly reminder that the Senator's son is in Iraq while Jenna and Barbara are terrorizing Latin America. Also, remember George, if you don't lead, we will (and you won't like it).

Are you ready to rumble?

This will just be a brief one. As you probably already know, Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) will be delivering the Democratic response to the State of the Union next week. Between watching Speaker Pelosi roll her eyes repeatedly, a whole series of non-ovations, and then a reaction by the guy who basically told Shrub to fuck himself, this oughta take the annual SOTU drinking games to a whole new level of "where the hell is my apartment."

Personally, I think it's good for the country. Yay for democracy in action! And double-yay for that little Constitutional provision that forces the President to do stand-up for Congress once a year!

New Congress, new problems

As proof of Pat Robertson's impending rain of hellfire upon the United States of Gay Communist Democrats, I just saw a completely white squirrel running around on the sidewalk across the street. No, this wasn't a cat. It totally moved like a squirrel. Unless it was a squir-cat, which would be incredibly worse.

But back to the news. Nancy Pelosi has been sworn in and since she's ruled out impeachment, is plotting the "plane crash" of Bush and Cheney so she'll usurp Hillary as first woman president. Observe this picture from the NYT first day of Congress gallery:The caption for this should totally be Charlton Heston's old line "from my cold, dead hands!"

Meanwhile in the Senate, new majority leader Harry Reid was completely ignored. Probably because Senator Clinton's husband showed up, and promptly threatened Dick Cheney with a nice, clean, "surgical" tactical bombing campaign, right in the pacemaker. Again from the NYT gallery: "Listen bitch, if you don't straighten up, my wife is gonna nail your ass to the wall. You and your little Bush dog too."

So there you have it folks. Our bi-annual Come to Jesus Meeting on how to be civil with each other. The White House is so ready for the bipartisanship, that they're already casting aside dead weight, intelligent, foreign and domestic.

Happy new year from Buster

Buster wants everyone to know that he's already drunk and being sexually inappropriate with other bunnies. He expects you to do the same with preferred members of your own species.

Buster opening a gift.

Buster in his party hat.

Buster on the dance floor.

Happy new year to all!

Liveblogging madness: DC Police search car

It's a Friday night and I'm bored out of my skull, with no real desire to do anything. Allow me the chance to share some neighborhood dirt.

Last night, sitting at this very desk, which faces a window looking out onto Harvard Street NW, a maroon Ford Taurus pulled up, and a black/grey SUV parked illegally behind it. The Ford parked on the street, the SUV pulled up beside it, and the driver of the car hopped into the SUV. Off they went, tires squealing. Not a big deal, right?

Further observation noticed that the Taurus was only about halfway in a legal parking zone. Whatever, that's like a $30 ticket. Then at about 8:00 tonight, a silver Taurus pulled up, and some dudes started mulling about the first car, also looking suspicious. So suspicious, in fact, that the thought of calling the cops popped into my head, as it had last evening. They finally put on police jackets, and thus became identifiable, while simultaneously killing any notion of cop calling. Throughout the evening, various marked and unmarked police vehicles (at least six) have pulled up, shined flashlights on the maroon Taurus, and joked with the dudes from the original unmarked car (of which there are four). The job of the unmarked car crew seems to be to smoke lots of cigarettes, make cell phone calls, and lounge about, while very likely killing their car battery by keeping the headlights on for nearly three hours. Finally, at about 10:20, another marked car popped up and two uniformed dudes opened the maroon Taurus and began searching it. Something is definitely being found, as they keep pulling out bags of various sizes, snapping photos, making lots of notations on clipboards, and using various pieces of equipment. They seem focused on the backseat. No sign of popping the trunk yet. Clearly, something juicy is in this car. Yet it's not roped off or anything. Other cars are still passing by. The original four cops from the silver Taurus continue to stand around and smoke/shoot the shit.

It's now 10:40. All four doors of the maroon Taurus were just closed. The two investigators are shining various types of lights on the trunk cover. Apparently the trunk popper isn't working, as they seem to be having trouble getting it open. (See if the back seats fold down!)

Clearly, the Mrs. Kravitz in me is loving this.

Now one cop is in the backseat, leaned in kinda funny and facing the trunk. He's pulled out another bag of something (looks like an evidence bag). Now back to the front seat. No luck with the trunk yet. Will update again if any bodies/briefcases of money/big backs of cocaine appear to be found.

UPDATE, 12:04am: The CSI guys left just after I posted the above, without opening the trunk. No bodies in trash bags for me. Finally a tow truck arrived, driven by an angry looking woman. The maroon vehicle was promptly removed, and thus the four dudes in the silver unmarked car were finally able to go protect and serve some other inanimate object for four more hours. All in all, an anti-climactic experience.

MUNers! We have become pop icons

This just in. MUN can be fun, cool, and musical.

Click here for video-music entertainment.