Dear DC dog owners...
I don't know whether or not the cold weather has caused a recent spike in laziness among the dog owners in my neighborhood, but I do know that I'm sick of their shit. Walking around has increasingly become a potentially messy undertaking during the past month or so, and now I've finally had enough.
The final offense was just sick. I was walking home just now with a bag of productivity enhancing treats from the Columbia Road Safeway. As I was walking, I was thinking about eating tasty cookies and getting some work done. Then I smelled something foul.
Lo and behold, there was some dumb lady with her dog, as it took a shit.
On.
The.
Damn.
Sidewalk.
No, not in the little planter box thing right beside the sidewalk, but on the sidewalk itself, as people like me were walking by.
I was offended. I was outraged. Scowling was involved. The dignified little old lady behind me let out a loud "mmph!" and crossed the street. My outrage was slightly mitigated by the fact that the moron at least had a bag at the ready to scoop her poop, but as the impending joy of cookie eating was replaced by the sight and smell of a dog defecating, outrage was the dominant feeling.
So that tears it. Dog owners beware. I am both passive aggressive and have a bad attitude. Who knows what hell I may choose to rain down on you should I bear witness to your irresponsible pooping habits. And if you don't want to clean up after your pet, then you need to get rid of it. I dutifully clean my bunny's litter box and sweep up his stray little poop balls. You do the same with your animal. And if the notion scooping up poop in a plastic grocery bag and indignantly carrying it around offends you as much as it offends me, then perhaps the dog was the wrong choice, you fucking dumbass.
The final offense was just sick. I was walking home just now with a bag of productivity enhancing treats from the Columbia Road Safeway. As I was walking, I was thinking about eating tasty cookies and getting some work done. Then I smelled something foul.
Lo and behold, there was some dumb lady with her dog, as it took a shit.
On.
The.
Damn.
Sidewalk.
No, not in the little planter box thing right beside the sidewalk, but on the sidewalk itself, as people like me were walking by.
I was offended. I was outraged. Scowling was involved. The dignified little old lady behind me let out a loud "mmph!" and crossed the street. My outrage was slightly mitigated by the fact that the moron at least had a bag at the ready to scoop her poop, but as the impending joy of cookie eating was replaced by the sight and smell of a dog defecating, outrage was the dominant feeling.
So that tears it. Dog owners beware. I am both passive aggressive and have a bad attitude. Who knows what hell I may choose to rain down on you should I bear witness to your irresponsible pooping habits. And if you don't want to clean up after your pet, then you need to get rid of it. I dutifully clean my bunny's litter box and sweep up his stray little poop balls. You do the same with your animal. And if the notion scooping up poop in a plastic grocery bag and indignantly carrying it around offends you as much as it offends me, then perhaps the dog was the wrong choice, you fucking dumbass.
1 comment:
My 'burb has been plauged by this as well. Why, why, why?
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